I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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