Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
