He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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