Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
