i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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