the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
