i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
