Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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