i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
