Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
