susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
