I could have mohawked her pubes.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
