I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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