once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
