i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
