Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
