then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
