3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
