It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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