Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
