she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
