I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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