so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize