Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
