I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
