Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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