i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize