Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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