haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
