I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
birth control should be required to get into college
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
