You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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