I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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