I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
