i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
