He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
