I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
