new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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