I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
