you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
