I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You can't just leave with hair like that
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
