so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
