I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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