Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
