I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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