i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
