If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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