Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
