just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
