ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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