I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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