Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm experimenting with sincerity
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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