omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
