Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
