I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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