drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
