After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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