dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
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