She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize