Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
