I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Randomize
