i dont even know how to be here
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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