Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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