She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Screwed.edu
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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