I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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