I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
