Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
