i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
