I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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