this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Ketchup is God's man juice
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
