I think my vagina is haunted
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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