Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
